


Proof of Extraterrestrials

by goldenspecter



Series: hello naughty children its murder time [1]
Category: Danny Phantom, South Park
Genre: Clockwork is a trans girl who goes by ceri, Gen, Implied Prostuition, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, also this au goes with the idea that liane is really neglectful towards erics wellbeing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 09:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15191432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenspecter/pseuds/goldenspecter
Summary: While Stan and his gang were busy trying to convince Eric he got probed by aliens, Danny and Dan were busy trying to prove aliens exist to Ceri and Vlad.





	Proof of Extraterrestrials

Danny Fenton was known to be the last one out of his friends to arrive at the bus stop. So, when he skidded next to his three best friends, kicked up flurries of frigid snow and dusted their shoulders, Vlad, Dan and Ceri didn’t bother batting an eye.

“Did the bus come yet?” He asked, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

“Nope,” answered Dan, turning his head so he can see Danny clearly. “You know we’d never leave you behind.”

Danny grinned at the ground, glad he hadn’t missed the bus. “Thanks, Dan.” After a few moments of silence, Danny stood up. “Did you see the news last night?”

Dan’s face lit up, his silver hair sparked embers, “The segment about the linking the missing cows to aliens?!”

“Dude yes!” Danny exclaimed excitedly, tightly pulling the strings on the hood of his coat, “Tom Swollenballs said that it was a way for the aliens to communicate. They even figured out that the message the aliens left saying they might be able to come visit Earth from anywhere from a few months to a few years!”

Both boys continued to clamor excitedly, their voices overlapping each other.

“Imagine all the tech that they could share with us!”

“We could find out if there’s life on Mars! Or Venus! Or, or Uranus!”

“Maybe there’s life beyond going into a black hole!”

Vlad and Ceri pointedly stared at each other, silently wondering who was going to burst the boys’ bubbles. They played a quick game of rock, paper, scissors, to decide who would break the news to Dan and Danny.

Ceri won best two out of three rounds. Vlad lost.

The young millionaire quietly coughed into his hand before turning around to see his two friends happily rambling on about the possibilities of aliens existing. He then loudly cleared his throat, effectively catching their attention, “Aliens don’t exist.” 

The moment Vlad said those three words, all hell broke loose.

The two boys first stilled, slowly quieted down, before they both turned around to face Vlad. Danny glared dangerously at the nine year old.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Danny seethed, icy blue eyes narrowing dangerously. He wrestled Dan’s hands off of his arms, rolled the sleeves of his coat up as he stalked towards Vlad.

Vlad noticed how Danny crept towards him but that didn’t deter him from delivering the harsh truth of reality. “I _said_ aliens don’t exist. I’ll say it again if you’re hard of hearing.”

Balling his hands into fists, Danny prepared to lunge at Vlad, only to be held back by Dan and Ceri’s untimely announcement that the bus had arrived.

The four friends lined up at the bus door, watching it slide open with a rusty, high-pitch squeak. Before the four could greet their bus driver, Ms. Crabtree angrily looked down at them as she shouted, “Sit down! We’re running late!”

“There’s no need for you to be a bitch about it,” Ceri muttered as she got on the bus.

Hearing the girl talk under her breath, Ms. Crabtree turned around to face Ceri. “What did you say?!”

Tired by the morning events to bother indulging her bus driver, she deadpanned, “I said there’s no need for you to be a bitch about it.”

Ms. Crabtree’s beady eyes widened, surprised by her honesty. “Uh, okay.” She responded dumbly, turned back around and began to drive the bus.

*****

“And now children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus.“ Mr. Garrison said, proudly displaying the puppet to the class.

Ignoring the lack of response, Mr. Hat dove into the lesson, “That’s right Mr. Garrison! Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Frederick Douglas, and, and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon, and discovered France.” He explained as Mr. Garrison furiously drew a series of diagrams that attempted to explain the lesson but ended up making no sense what so ever.

With both Mr. Garrison’s and Mr. Hat’s back facing the class, Kyle continued to panic, the worry about Ike and the visitors snatching his baby brother consuming him.

 _‘Oh man, I can't just sit here! I have to help my stupid brother or I'll come home without him and my dad will start yelling "Where's your brother, Kyle!" "You weren't looking out for your little brother Kyle!”’_ He thought, tapping his pencil against the desk, knees shaking from the thought of his dad’s disappointment when he found out Kyle couldn’t take care of Ike _. ’"You know he can't think on his own, Kyle. Brush and Floss, Kyle!" "Where has that finger been, Kyle?!"_ ’

Kyle snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Stan slapped his arm. He rubbed his sore arm and stared at Stan in confusion.

“Dude! I said we can ditch school-” Stan began before he was interrupted by Mr. Garrison, leaving Kyle to stare at his hands horrified that he had dissociated _again_.

Mr. Garrison stood in front of the two boys, the wrinkles on his forehead creasing as he stared at them. “I said is there a problem?”

“Yea, you can’t teach worth shit.” Ceri yelled out across the classroom, leaning back against her chair, raising an eyebrow as the entire class ‘ooh’ at her response.

“And you think you can do better?” Mr. Garrison taunted.

The nine year old girl shrugged her shoulders. “I never said I could better. I’m not the one who needs a puppet to do my job because I’m too inept enough to teach third graders.”

Mr. Hat violently shot up, his thin eyebrows dramatically narrowing down, angry that this girl had insulted his teaching methods. “Do you need to sit in the corner until you learn how to treat your elders with respect?!”

Again, Ceri shrugged, “Not until Mr. Garrison tells me to himself and not some stupid puppet hat.” She leaned forward in her desk and began to doodle, effectively tuning Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat out.

Mr. Garrison’s cheeks flushed red with frustration, preparing to snap at the little girl before he decided that she wasn’t worth his anger at the moment. He sharply turned around to face the other class, who was shocked that one of their star classmates had the balls to talk to Mr. Garrison like that, before spitting out. “Does anyone _else_ have anything to say?”

Kyle shot his hand up in the hand, “Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.”

“Oh really, Kyle?” Mr. Garrison taunted, rolling his eyes at the child. “What is it _this_ time? Another prostate tumor?”

The redhead’s green eyes widened before he began to flail his arms, “No, my little brother has been kidnapped by aliens!”

The older man blankly stared at Kyle.

Staring at Mr. Garrison in disbelief, Kyle’s hands shook. Why wouldn’t his teacher believe him? What did he do? How could he get Mr. Garrison to believe him? _‘"Where's your brother, Kyle!" "You weren't looking out for your little brother Kyle!”’_

 ** _‘_** ** _҉_** ** _"_** ** _̶_** ** _̡_** ** _W_** ** _̴̢_** ** _̶_** ** _h_** ** _͏_** ** _e_** ** _͜҉_** ** _r_** ** _̛_** ** _͝_** ** _e_** ** _̷_** ** _̴_** ** _'s_** ** _͢_** **_͢͞_** ** _̸_** ** _y_** ** _͢͢_** ** _o_** ** _̡̕͝_** ** _ur_** ** _͢_** ** _̷_** ** _br_** ** _͝_** ** _o_** ** _͝_** ** _̷_** ** _̕_** ** _t_** ** _̢̢͡_** ** _h_** ** _̕͢͝_** ** _e_** ** _͏̴_** ** _r_** ** _͟͠_** ** _,_** ** _͝_** ** _̛̛_** ** _K_** ** _̵̛_** ** _y_** ** _҉_** ** _l_** ** _̡_** ** _e_** ** _̢͏_** ** _!_** ** _͡_** ** _̵_** ** _͘_** ** _"_** ** _͞_** **_̡͞_** ** _"_** ** _̡_** ** _Y_** ** _̵_** ** _̡_** ** _o_** ** _͢͞_** ** _u_** ** _̸̧_** **_̵_** ** _w_** ** _͘͟͝_** ** _e_** ** _̴̕͟_** ** _r_** ** _͝҉_** ** _e_** ** _͞͞͞_** ** _n'_** ** _͏_** ** _t_** ** _̴͞_** ** _l_** ** _̕_** ** _o_** ** _̡_** ** _o_** ** _͏_** ** _ki_** ** _͏_** ** _ng_** ** _̸̸_** **_͞_** ** _̷_** ** _ǫ_** ** _͢͢_** ** _ut_** ** _̴̕_** **_͟_** ** _f_** ** _̡_** ** _̧_** ** _o_** ** _̢͜_** ** _r_** ** _҉_** **_҉_** ** _y_** ** _͠_** ** _o_** ** _͏_** ** _ur_** ** __** ** _̷̨_** **_̢_** ** _li_** ** _̵_** ** _͠_** ** _t_** ** _҉_** ** _t_** ** _͝_** ** _le_** ** _͏_** **_҉_** ** _̷_** ** _̡_** ** _b_** ** _̕_** ** _r_** ** _̶̛_** ** __** ** _o_** ** _͜͏_** ** _̨_** ** _th_** ** _͠_** ** _̷̵_** ** _er_** ** _͠_** **_̴͠͠_** ** _K_** ** _̡_** ** _y_** ** _̸_** ** _͞͡_** ** _l_** ** _̷̨_** ** _̢_** ** _e_** ** _͡͞_** ** _!_** ** _̢_** ** _”_** ** _͟͞_** ** _’̵̛_** **_̶_** ** __**

“It’s true!” Kyle shouted, slamming his hands on his desk and pointed at Eric, “Ask Cartman, they gave him an anal probe!”

Everyone in the classroom turned around to face Eric, who slid down in his desk, embarrassed by Kyle calling him out just now. He forced out an awkward, uncomfortable laugh. “It’s…That’s a little joke.”

Kyle wanted, _needed_ to leave. Ike is in trouble. Ike _needs_ him. Ike needs him now. If Kyle didn’t leave right now, at this very moment, then who knows what those aliens would do to Ike. Then his mother and father wouldn’t love him anymore because he couldn’t keep his baby brother safe.

“I HAVE TO LEAVE.” Kyle pleaded, desperately jumping out of his desk. “Can I _please_ be excused from class?”

 “I don’t know, Kyle,” Mr. Garrison said in a smarmy voice, bringing out his left arm where Mr. Hat resided. “Did you ask Mr. Hat?”

Looking down at the dumb puppet on Garrison’s hand, he whined,  “I don't want to ask Mr. Hat, I'm asking YOU!”

Again, in that smarmy voice, Garrison leered over Kyle. “Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat”

Desperate for any way to be released from class, Kyle relented with a sigh. “Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?”

Mr. Garrison violently shoved Mr. Hat in Kyle's face, “Well Kyle, NO! You hear me? You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!”

Pretending to think, Garrison smugly responded, “Hmm, guess you’ll have to take your seat, Kyle.”

“Goddamn it!” The Jewish boy stomped back over to his desk and ignored Eric’s taunts.

Over in the back of the classroom, Dan gleefully looked over Danny’s way. Dan poked him excitedly, “Dude, did you hear that?!

Danny grinned back, “Aliens! They exist!”

“Aliens don’t exist.” Vlad and Ceri deadpanned before they resumed whatever they were doing.

Then Eric shot flames out of his ass.

****

Lunch was mundane for the four friends.

Mostly mundane.

 Ceri sits across from Danny and Vlad calmly chewing on her Salisbury steak while the others sat in silence.

“Aliens exist you know. You’re just afraid.” Dan said pointedly, giving Vlad and Ceri a flat look.

Vlad arched an eyebrow, “Why would I be afraid of something that doesn’t exist?”

Dan stared at his steak and mashed potatoes as he thought of a response, Danny shot up from his seat, hands stretched out on the table as he shouted, “Because you’re afraid of the unknown Fruitloop!” He screeched suddenly, startling everyone at the table. “You want everything to stay the same, to follow a pattern of prediction so you can always come out on top! But life doesn’t work like that and neither do people!”

“If you observe people and their habits long enough, then, of course, you can!” Vlad argued back, “If you study what you see and you know to be real, then you can have a reasonable pattern of prediction!”

Ceri dropped her fork down, pressed her fingers to her temple imitating her dad when he got stressed, stared at Vlad and gave him a nonplussed glare. “That’s not how people work, that’s how you make an emotionless sociopath.” She said flatly, not bothered to respond when his face flushed in anger and went back to eating.

As Ceri went back to her food, Danny grinned smugly at the flustered Vlad, leaning over the table so the two children were eye to eye with each other. “See even Ceri-“

“Danny shut up, stop antagonizing him.” She deadpanned, swiftly stabbing him in his hand with her fork. He yelped in pain as he fell back in his seat and cradled his hand whilst glaring at Ceri.

Dan’s quiet voice breaks them away from their own troubles, “Guys look,” He whispered, pointed at Stan and Co., specifically Eric farting another fireball. But this time, a long, metal object emerged from his ass. It opened like a robotic eye and looked around. They saw the eye look around, blinked, then closed in on itself and zip back into Cartman’s ass.

The four tore their gaze away from they had just seen and were thrown into an uncomfortable stasis of silence.

A moment later the fire alarm ran as Chef announced a surprise fire drill. While the other students took advantage of the impromptu drill as an excuse to go home early, Ceri, Dan, Danny, and Vlad saw this as an opportunity to follow behind Eric to satiate the curiosity the obese child had ignited in them.

****

Knowing Eric only from school and limited time outside as well as one or two forced playdates, Dan only knows one thing.

Eric Cartman was an asshole.

But after a day of following him and his friends around, he notices a few things.

One, Eric doesn’t know what death is.

Maybe he does, but he chose not to recognize when it’s thrusted in front of him and he’s forced to see the only logical conclusion. Dan was close to throwing up when Kyle pulled off Kenny’s head and shoved it in Eric’s face, the Jewish boy obviously enraged that Eric was the reason Kenny died.

Dan wondered if his dad blamed him for his mother’s death.

Two, there’s something wrong with Eric’s mother. Ms. Cartman doesn’t listen to her son’s plea to stay home, away from his friends. he flinched when he saw her flash a toothy, empty grin as she ushered her son away from her comfort. Not long after Eric, Kyle, and Stan left, Dan watched as two gruff and burly men stomp inside the house and moments later, the house was rumbled with her voice, screaming at the top of her lungs.

He stood there, on the sidewalk, staring up at the only window with shadows in it. Two big, round shadows pinned the slimmer shadow down and Ms. Cartman’s voice continued to scream and beg in a weird way.

A hand rested on his shoulder, causing him to turn around and face Danny, who silently gestured for him to follow the other boy.

“But we have to help her.” He said, turning back around to the window. “She’s in trouble.”

Danny’s turned grim as he looked up at the window and then looked back at Dan, “It’s not what you think. She’s not going to _want_ help.” Danny said with a grimace, “Let’s just go.”

Reluctantly, Dan followed.

Three, Eric’s friends are assholes. Even more so than usual.

Dan could probably argue they were worse than Eric himself.

They were all honestly shocked(Danny and Dan were ecstatic) when it turned out that aliens _did_ exist and that they actually kidnapped Kyle’s brother.

But that shock quietly turned into horror when Kyle and Ike run back home to their parents while Stan and Wendy toddled away to a small pond while Eric was still tied to the tree.

The four elementary students watched in astonishment and awe as a blue beam spawned over Eric and then their stomachs dropped in horror as he screamed and begged for help as he’s being lifted in the air. The rope he’s tethered is slowly snapping away from the tree and that’s the moment they all sprang into action, bursting out from the bush they were hiding behind to help Eric, untying the rope from the tree and pulling him away from the tree.

“Moo moo moo.” Echoed the aliens, looming over the open tray before the blue light dissipated and the ship flew away.

None of the children dared to say anything as the five all crashed into the soft snow to collect their breath and the fact they were too close to being abducted by aliens.

Then Eric’s shuddering, shaky voice broke the silence, “Can someone _please_ untie me?” He begged, “It’s not fu-funny anymore. I-I was wrong alright?”

Danny slowly took off Eric’s hair before he comfortingly ran his hands through Eric’s hair, “We’re untying you now.” He murmured softly, mimicking the tactics his older sister used when she comforted him after a bad day at school.

Soon the ropes loosened around Eric’s waist before they fell off like dead weight. Slowly, Eric sat up, blankly staring at the four before he wiped his wet eyes and attempted to stand up. His heavy legs wobbled as he tried to stand, roughly pulling his arm away from Vlad and almost fell down due to his stubbornness.

Once Eric was on his feet, he glared at Vlad, Ceri, Danny and Dan, “I don’t need any help, I can get home just fine. I” The eight year old attempted to sound intimidating but his tear streaked face and puffy eyes had worked against him.

“You don’t want to go home right now.” Dan warned, “You mom had some strange men at her house.”

Eric’s shoulders slumped, “Was she making strange noises?’

Dan nodded, “Maybe you could stay at my house until tomorrow?”

“If you parents don’t mind.”

“I’m sure my dad won’t mind,” Dan assured before he gestured for Eric to follow him and his three friends followed suit.


End file.
